On my new title

It came to me today while driving home from Columbia. I can't quite remember how it arrived, but it happened all the same. It only makes sense that monkeys be the evil perpetrators of this heinous act, as everyone knows that brain stealing is what they do (they're trained by pirates and then the brains are sold on the black market.) I have no hard evidence for these claims, because it was all in my brain, and that is gone.

As for the penguin accomplices, it may seem odd that they team up with monkeys and pirates for this rather lucrative enterprise, so allow me to explain. It started with the Penguin that stole Bud Light while singing "Strangers in the Dark" (hence the "Doo Bee Doo Bee Doo.") After those commercials disappeared (at the time they made no sense) the penguin went underground and the seeds of the "Great Penguin Conspiracy" began. First this tuxedoed avian Sinatra, infiltrated Central Park Zoo, where he convinced his fellow penguins to escape. After a first botched attempt, they then hijacked a freighter to Antarctica. While only there a short time before leaving for Africa, they were filmed in a documentary by the French (no doubt they're involved in my cerebral snatch as well) and also taught the penguins to sing (easy seeing how the lead man was a pro) but also taught them to surf.

After leaving, the penguins that were left behind began to work on their singing, to the point of turning it into a form a worship. Well, one penguin couldn't sing, but started to dance, and this in turn swept the penguining world, because they could use it as a form of communication with humans. And as the human influence increased, for did that of surfing, and surprisingly, that of chickens.

Now, after that, I'm a bit hazy, but somewhere along the line, they run into pirates and monkeys, and struck a deal to distract those now devoid of brains.

So be on the look out, brain theft is silent and sudden, so always hold onto the back of your head while walking through penguin exhibits or while watching them on TV or in a movie. Don't let this heinous crime happen to you!!!!!