The hardest part of a post...

is the title. Usually, at least, for me.

Also, sometimes all you need is to puke and have a good poop, and everything feels better.

So, my mind has been all over the place this week. Mainly it's been in a snot covered haze, due to being a little under the weather, but at 1 am, I just have a cough that's clinging on to life.

I'll admit, I may be an overly proud dad, especially at work. The good thing is that there's a couple other people with kids/grandkids in the same range, so it doesn't come off as overly weird. And it's nice to have Em's great pictures to share.

I've been feeling the urge to delve more deeply into scriptures lately. Actually change that to say merely "delve into scriptures." I'm not a great scripture reader, I'll be honest, I have a hard time staying awake. I've been feeling the urge to find the old addresses of people in France. I've never been a good letter writter, and keeping in touch is not exaclty my forte, but the need to read has been tied to the need to re-discover the people I met while on my mission.

Do you ever wonder if there are any superheros helping cops fight crime? I was thinking about this the other night, and my mind wandered over to thinking about there being no actual superheros. No one has super powers. Face it. Just like there are no wizards or vampires. Pirates and gypses for the most part were/are terrible people. Are we superheros for being normal? Maintaining mediocrity, or at least, leading a socially acceptible life requires quite a bit of self restraint, honor and a strong morality. Also, there are very few people in important/ popular postions that are actually good models for what we should be, that living a decent life, in my odd mind, is something that should be celebrated.

Anyways, there's a little rant for you.

In a Haze

I'm not sure where I'm going to go with this... be warned.

Here are a few things on my mind:

I hate working Sunday nights. I feel like there's a haze in the corners of my eyes.

The guy next to be is breathing like an asthmatic horse. Honestly, what is it called when you snore when you're awake?

Things in my life that keep me grounded are Em, Noah, my french lit class and World of Warcraft Tuesdays. Without them, my sanity would be hanging by a thin rope.

Some guy got hurt bung"ee" jumping the other week. What an idiot. People who jump illegally deserve to be hurt, it's a terrible thing to say, but drunk drivers deserve to die too. I'm tired and my brain filter is slipping away into the nether, sue me.

Soccer is better than your sport. World Baseball Classic? What a huge joke. Do you honestly believe anyone outside the North Western Quarter-sphere and East Asia care about a "Classic" that the players hardly care about? Not to mention baseball players are sissies. And steroids? Rio Ferdinand of ManU was LATE for a drug screen and he got suspended from all competitions for almost a season. He did not test positive... he was LATE. Baseball should hang their collective over grown steroid heads in shame, Bud Selig should have be thrown out of baseball in disgrace and all records from the past 15 years given an asterix. If they didn't know about the drug use, it wasn't because of ignorance it was because they cast a blind eye on something that gave baseball meaning again. Hey baseball this is what happens when you sell your soul to Satan. (I watched ESPN during lunch). Also Arsenal's fiscal responsibility will start paying dividends in about 3-4 on the pitch, just wait.

I'm done typing.

55 Reasons I'm Better Than You

So, I was watching Season 1 of Scrubs the other night and J.D. had one of his fanatsies with Jimmy Walker (the comedian, not the drink), and it got me thinking about old Las Vegas commercials. So here's a few for you to complete (the answers will be at the end of the post).

1) I'm Jimmy Walker, the talker, and when I'm in Las Vegas I go to ______________.
2) What can compare to ______________?
3) Who loves you, baby? ________________, that's who!
4) I'm Happy Harry! And this is _______________!
5) In Henderson. _______________!

There's also some fantastic ones here in St. Louis, but we'll save those for another post.

So Stacie won the contest, and I'm giving the runner-up to Nicole for admitting she wasn't funny.
Stacie gets to pick between $10 to Amazon or iTunes (or some other music site) and Nicole gets the one she doesn't pick.

Also, I un-highlighted the things I haven't done in my previous post.

Well, I got to get back to work, so here are the answers:
1) Steiner's Cleaners
2) Maryland Square
3) The Furniture Store
4) Quality Liquidators
5) Of Course!

100 Reasons I'm Better Than You

So Steven, Tamara and Sarah did this, and after looking at the list, I laughed at them and filled it out myself. Obviously, all I had to do was put everything in bold and add snarky comments. As a bonus, and to make you read the whole thing, there is a contest at the end of this post.

1. Started your own blog (Someone was DESPERATE to highlight something)
2. Slept under the stars (We were very poor growing up)
3. Played in a band (does marching band count?) (No it doesn't)
4. Visited Hawaii (I heard it sucks and the people are jerks)
5. Watched a meteor shower (It hurt)
6. Bathed in a river (Chilly... then warm for a second... then chilly again)
7. Been to the Taj Mahal (I'm guessing you're talking about the great restaurant in Vegas.)
8. Walked on a glacier in Alaska (Better do it soon... global warming and all)
9. Caught and held a snake (take your mind out of the gutter)
10. Spoke in front of a big crowd (More like stuttering)
11. Bungee jumped ("We spell it B-U-N-G-Y... Why? Because it's fun!" AJ Hackett)
12. Had a whirlwind love affair that broke your heart (I hate you)
13. Found an arrowhead or fossil (Valley of Fire ftw)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (I suppose this doesn't mean cutting snowflakes)
15. Rescued an animal (It doesn't count if it died...)
16. Ate sweet breads, glands or tripe (Veal brain is a gland)
17. Seen Mount Rushmore in person (Watching National Treasure 2 or NxNW doesn't count)
18. Grown your own vegetables (Super hot peppers on my mission)
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France (She's smiling cause she farted)
20. Slept on an overnight train (not as fun as it sounds)
21. Had a pillow fight (bring it)
22. Hiked to base camp on Mt. Everest (then I climbed Mt. Charleston)
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (if this isn't highlighted, you're a liar)
24. Built a snow fort (Inspired by Calvin)
25. Watched an animal being born (at the Las Vegas "Zoo")
26. Gone skinny dipping 0 ;-)
27. Learned a foreign language (ig-pay atin-lay itches-bay)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice (it's like $20 bucks, but you have to pay extra for them to sing) 29. Seen a total eclipse (that's why I have to wear glasses)
30. Stayed up for more than 24 hours (child's play)
31. Trained a dog to do cool tricks (if cool means, "they don't do what I say")
32. Been on a cruise (got pushed over and then swam to shore)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person (in a barrel)
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (Salt Lake count?)
35. Seen an Amish community (veterinarian = mechanic)
36. Can drive a stick shift car (eat your heart out NASCAR)
37. Won over $1000 in a raffle or lottery (spent it all on candy)
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person (then that jerk Superman fixed it)
39. Gone rock climbing (Condo S-5 anyone?)
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David (Impressive...Most impressive)
41. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt (needs a new name... something more catchy)
42. Been serenaded (Feels like home to me too)
43. Visited Africa (With my old band mates from Toto and our opener Enya)
44. Walked on a beach by moonlight (Crying and by myself, I brought the romantic factor down about 5 points)
45. Broken a bone (middle of soccer season playing capture the flag at Lake Mead)
46. Started your own business (then sold it for some magic beans)
47. Quit a job because you were totally unhappy (then turned state's evidence)
48. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person (I could do that)
49. Been to the Eiffel Tower (Making up for something, are we France?)
50. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling (In November, not the best time)
51. Kissed in the rain passionately (But she was a wet kisser)
52. Played in the mud (We lost Little Timmy though)
53. Gone to a drive-in (but didn't watch the movie?)
54. Been in a movie (hey, I could be an extra) (cop out)
55. Visited the Great Wall of China (With my Horde)
56. Joined a prayer group (didn't understand anything)
57. Taken a martial arts class (watch out, Yellow ftw)
58. Visited Russia (won the Cold War, I did)
59. Served at a soup kitchen (St. Vincents, sweaty hands)
60. Gone whale watching (with a harpoon)
61. Received flowers for no reason (Happy Valentines... too me :_( )
62. Donated blood, platelets or plasma (Didn't get as dizzy as I hoped)
63. Gone sky diving (parachute broke, landed on the run, beat up Chuck Norris)
64. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (even though it didn't happen)
65. Bounced a check (Not a very high rebound)
66. Flown in a helicopter (saved a polar bear floating on ice)
67. Saved a favorite childhood toy (mainly My Little Pony and Barbie head hand-me downs)
68. Visited the Lincoln Memorial (wearing a grey suit)
69. Eaten caviar (sweeeet baby fishes /drool)
70. Pieced a quilt (can't think of a clever comment)
71. Stood in Times Square (wearing boxers and a banjo, then beat up the Singing Cowboy)
72. Toured the Everglades (Wrestled an Alligator and then got stung by a sting ray... too soon?)
73. Been fired from a job (then pooped on my desk)
74. Seen the changing of the guards in London (threw up fish and chips on one's shoe)
75. Broken something extremely expensive (thus making it art)
76. Been on a speeding motorcycle (back in the day on the way to Sturgis)
77. Seen the Grand Canyon in person (Yawned and then went to the Tetons)
78. Published a book (Became famous, told no one)
79. Visited the Vatican (Foiled a sinister plot, some guy wrote a story about it)
80. Got a tattoo (washed it off in the morning)
81. Been to a coffee shop in Amsterdam ("Coffee" shop....right....)
82. Seen the aurora borealis in person (while clubbing a baby seal)
83. Read the entire Bible (discovered a secret code, it said, "Read the Book of Mormon too")
84. Visited the White House (was asked to put my pants back on)
85. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (Pigeon isn't as good as it sounds)
86. Had chickenpox (Now I eat them for my revenge)
87. Saved someone’s life (then laughed at them)
88. Sat on a jury (Voted against everyone else)
89. Met someone famous (called them a nobody, made them cry)
90. Joined a book club (called them a bunch of dorks)
91. Lost a loved one (too soon)
92. Toured the UN (framed for murder)
93. Hiked to Machu Picchu (rode a llama)
94. Swam in the Indian Ocean (who cares?)
95. Conversed with someone when neither of you spoke each others language (Ever been to Texas?)
96. Dirty danced (Put Baby in the corner)
97. Been stung by a bee (Then killed it)
98. Acted in a play (Kissed a Kate)
99. Had more than 5 surgeries (In one sitting)
100. Threw a surprise party for someone (Happy Birthday... too me... :_( )

So, somethings (like #33) are obviously true, while others (like #27) are unmistakable lies. Now, the contest is to see how many are things that I've done. I'm not sure what the prize will be, but it'll probably be a book or a music download or something cheap like that. I decided it was about time to reward you all for supporting my nonsense. If there is a tie, the names go in a hat.

Also, a secondary prize will be given for the best redo to my snarky comments. The same person can't win both.

The contest will go until next Wednesday and you can only enter once for each half.

Good Luck!!!

Being Offended Redux

I read this article, and thought I should throw it up here on the blog. I'm not sure that mentioning God is telling some one that they're second class citizens. In fact, a forced exclusion on religion is the exactly what the athiests are complaing about except in reverse. It seems more like their fighting against themselves with the language used in the article. It's like me saying that I believe in "Mormonism" to some one is the same as telling them that they're idiots without coming out and saying it. If there is any implication on prejudice it's on the part of the athiests.

Once again respect and tolerance is a two way street.

(I know... two posts in one night... Don't get used to it.)

(Corny New Year's Title)

Well, expect for those of you still trailing behind time-zone-wise, it's now 2009. Happy '09. I'm at work, which isn't so bad. It would be great to be home with Em, but I imagine we have quite a few New Years ahead of us, and I get a couple extra bucks for workin' it. I hope she's partying it up with her friend Genny, who is also husband-less tonight.

I suppose I need to clear a quick thing up about my in-laws. They're fantastic, they really are.

I'm not exactly sure what else to write.

I almost got in an accident going to work today by getting t-boned by a Cadillac trying to turn into Children's Hospital. NASCAR is full of crap, I could do that with my eyes closed in reverse. Ever notice how there are no "motorsports" in the Olympics? That's because I do it everyday. All Hail the Mighty Redneck Dollar!

What does NASCAR have to do with New Years? Nothing. But that's the wonderful thing about blogs, or at least mine. They don't need to make sense. Because last I check not much did.

P.S. My in-laws, to my knowledge, do not like NASCAR.

Being Offended

I just erased everything again, for the third time. except I kept the last line and changed sceond to third. Such is life which, like my past entries, sucks... so say the French. Let's hope this one makes the cut.


I've been trying to think of a clever way of saying that people who get offended at either "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays" depending on their background are a bunch of idiots.

Being offended by such a trivial greeting is contrary to the point of the season. For instance, if a person is a Christian and some one says "Happy Holidays" and that person is offended, so much for "Peace on Earth good will toward Men" more like "Burn in Hell you Politically Correct Pagan, how dare you soil the name of this holiday by not mentioning it by name!"

And as for the opposite, if you demand tolerance of others, you need to be tolerant yourself. Respect/tolerance isn't a one way street you moron.

Anyways, Merry Christmas everyone. This past year has been one of transition and change for myself. I'll try and get a post in reflecting on my year, cuz I know you're all dying to know more. Until next time however... here are reasons Coldplay sucks:

1. I read that Chris Martin is a jerk
2. Clocks was overplayed
3. All the songs are the same
4. Can we say "wannabe U2?"
5. Kids aren't fruit
6. They haven't given their albums out for free
7. The words "Pop" and "Rock" should go together
8. Bands from England are all just Beatles cover bands riding on the glory of the Fab Four
9. I said so
10. My in-laws like them