100 Reasons I'm Better Than You

So Steven, Tamara and Sarah did this, and after looking at the list, I laughed at them and filled it out myself. Obviously, all I had to do was put everything in bold and add snarky comments. As a bonus, and to make you read the whole thing, there is a contest at the end of this post.

1. Started your own blog (Someone was DESPERATE to highlight something)
2. Slept under the stars (We were very poor growing up)
3. Played in a band (does marching band count?) (No it doesn't)
4. Visited Hawaii (I heard it sucks and the people are jerks)
5. Watched a meteor shower (It hurt)
6. Bathed in a river (Chilly... then warm for a second... then chilly again)
7. Been to the Taj Mahal (I'm guessing you're talking about the great restaurant in Vegas.)
8. Walked on a glacier in Alaska (Better do it soon... global warming and all)
9. Caught and held a snake (take your mind out of the gutter)
10. Spoke in front of a big crowd (More like stuttering)
11. Bungee jumped ("We spell it B-U-N-G-Y... Why? Because it's fun!" AJ Hackett)
12. Had a whirlwind love affair that broke your heart (I hate you)
13. Found an arrowhead or fossil (Valley of Fire ftw)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (I suppose this doesn't mean cutting snowflakes)
15. Rescued an animal (It doesn't count if it died...)
16. Ate sweet breads, glands or tripe (Veal brain is a gland)
17. Seen Mount Rushmore in person (Watching National Treasure 2 or NxNW doesn't count)
18. Grown your own vegetables (Super hot peppers on my mission)
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France (She's smiling cause she farted)
20. Slept on an overnight train (not as fun as it sounds)
21. Had a pillow fight (bring it)
22. Hiked to base camp on Mt. Everest (then I climbed Mt. Charleston)
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (if this isn't highlighted, you're a liar)
24. Built a snow fort (Inspired by Calvin)
25. Watched an animal being born (at the Las Vegas "Zoo")
26. Gone skinny dipping 0 ;-)
27. Learned a foreign language (ig-pay atin-lay itches-bay)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice (it's like $20 bucks, but you have to pay extra for them to sing) 29. Seen a total eclipse (that's why I have to wear glasses)
30. Stayed up for more than 24 hours (child's play)
31. Trained a dog to do cool tricks (if cool means, "they don't do what I say")
32. Been on a cruise (got pushed over and then swam to shore)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person (in a barrel)
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (Salt Lake count?)
35. Seen an Amish community (veterinarian = mechanic)
36. Can drive a stick shift car (eat your heart out NASCAR)
37. Won over $1000 in a raffle or lottery (spent it all on candy)
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person (then that jerk Superman fixed it)
39. Gone rock climbing (Condo S-5 anyone?)
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David (Impressive...Most impressive)
41. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt (needs a new name... something more catchy)
42. Been serenaded (Feels like home to me too)
43. Visited Africa (With my old band mates from Toto and our opener Enya)
44. Walked on a beach by moonlight (Crying and by myself, I brought the romantic factor down about 5 points)
45. Broken a bone (middle of soccer season playing capture the flag at Lake Mead)
46. Started your own business (then sold it for some magic beans)
47. Quit a job because you were totally unhappy (then turned state's evidence)
48. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person (I could do that)
49. Been to the Eiffel Tower (Making up for something, are we France?)
50. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling (In November, not the best time)
51. Kissed in the rain passionately (But she was a wet kisser)
52. Played in the mud (We lost Little Timmy though)
53. Gone to a drive-in (but didn't watch the movie?)
54. Been in a movie (hey, I could be an extra) (cop out)
55. Visited the Great Wall of China (With my Horde)
56. Joined a prayer group (didn't understand anything)
57. Taken a martial arts class (watch out, Yellow ftw)
58. Visited Russia (won the Cold War, I did)
59. Served at a soup kitchen (St. Vincents, sweaty hands)
60. Gone whale watching (with a harpoon)
61. Received flowers for no reason (Happy Valentines... too me :_( )
62. Donated blood, platelets or plasma (Didn't get as dizzy as I hoped)
63. Gone sky diving (parachute broke, landed on the run, beat up Chuck Norris)
64. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (even though it didn't happen)
65. Bounced a check (Not a very high rebound)
66. Flown in a helicopter (saved a polar bear floating on ice)
67. Saved a favorite childhood toy (mainly My Little Pony and Barbie head hand-me downs)
68. Visited the Lincoln Memorial (wearing a grey suit)
69. Eaten caviar (sweeeet baby fishes /drool)
70. Pieced a quilt (can't think of a clever comment)
71. Stood in Times Square (wearing boxers and a banjo, then beat up the Singing Cowboy)
72. Toured the Everglades (Wrestled an Alligator and then got stung by a sting ray... too soon?)
73. Been fired from a job (then pooped on my desk)
74. Seen the changing of the guards in London (threw up fish and chips on one's shoe)
75. Broken something extremely expensive (thus making it art)
76. Been on a speeding motorcycle (back in the day on the way to Sturgis)
77. Seen the Grand Canyon in person (Yawned and then went to the Tetons)
78. Published a book (Became famous, told no one)
79. Visited the Vatican (Foiled a sinister plot, some guy wrote a story about it)
80. Got a tattoo (washed it off in the morning)
81. Been to a coffee shop in Amsterdam ("Coffee" shop....right....)
82. Seen the aurora borealis in person (while clubbing a baby seal)
83. Read the entire Bible (discovered a secret code, it said, "Read the Book of Mormon too")
84. Visited the White House (was asked to put my pants back on)
85. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (Pigeon isn't as good as it sounds)
86. Had chickenpox (Now I eat them for my revenge)
87. Saved someone’s life (then laughed at them)
88. Sat on a jury (Voted against everyone else)
89. Met someone famous (called them a nobody, made them cry)
90. Joined a book club (called them a bunch of dorks)
91. Lost a loved one (too soon)
92. Toured the UN (framed for murder)
93. Hiked to Machu Picchu (rode a llama)
94. Swam in the Indian Ocean (who cares?)
95. Conversed with someone when neither of you spoke each others language (Ever been to Texas?)
96. Dirty danced (Put Baby in the corner)
97. Been stung by a bee (Then killed it)
98. Acted in a play (Kissed a Kate)
99. Had more than 5 surgeries (In one sitting)
100. Threw a surprise party for someone (Happy Birthday... too me... :_( )

So, somethings (like #33) are obviously true, while others (like #27) are unmistakable lies. Now, the contest is to see how many are things that I've done. I'm not sure what the prize will be, but it'll probably be a book or a music download or something cheap like that. I decided it was about time to reward you all for supporting my nonsense. If there is a tie, the names go in a hat.

Also, a secondary prize will be given for the best redo to my snarky comments. The same person can't win both.

The contest will go until next Wednesday and you can only enter once for each half.

Good Luck!!!